why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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