well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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