the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
