Will you blow on my dice?
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
