the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
