Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So much rum. So many feels.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
