Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
