There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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