Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
