so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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