I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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