I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
