I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
