I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
