The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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