do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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