I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
