Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
