I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
