Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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