Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
