I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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