Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
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