I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
