Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Randomize
