And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
