when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
