A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
