The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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