Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
