So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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