Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
