in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
