I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We need a shit load of segways right now
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
