your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm like, not good at living.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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