just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
