3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
