Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
