I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
this boner is exhausting
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
