She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he fucked my hip out of place.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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