So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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