First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
