Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
