The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
There's always time for handjobs
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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