i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
