Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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