Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
