I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
