If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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