There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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