you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
